Having taking a few seconds to read a post about lattes, I believe that I too am prepared to share my fiscal advice with the Aridni world and its denizens, whoever they may be. Though I have no formal training in any sort of business or economics, I do possess one thing that these other high and mighty posters do not: The Knowledge of the Streets!

Too many people today get caught up in finding the best compromise between the quality and the value of the products they purchase. Is it better to purchase something mediocre if it comes at an exceptionally low price, or does the deliciousity or neatoness of an item justify its high cost? Both carefree indulgence and stern frugality come with many troubles attached, whereas the mean between these two shows many obvious benefits without putting too much strain on the consumer. But I don’t care about any of that crap! I said this knowledge is from the streets! Ya feel me, cuuuzzz?!?!

When you’re living on the streets, you’re not choosing between Grey Poupon and Sam’s Choice Deli-Style mustard; you’re choosing whether mustard is worth giving up your life for. You’ve gone dumpster to dumpster to acquire the necessary elements to make a scrumptious Dagwood, all except the mustard. Mustard almost never goes bad, so what business would it have in a dumpster? On the other hand, what good is a Dagwood if it doesn’t have that tangy, semi-spicy goodness to glue together your newly found provolone and salami? It ain’t nuthin’! IT AIN’T NUTHIN’! But are you willing to go that extra mile? Are you willing to run from an underpaid, overfed security guard whose livelihood depends on whether he can effectively hunt down your condimentally deprived kind? That’s business on the streets! You wanna earn sumthin’, you better be ready to put it all on the line.

And really, this can serve as a metaphor for the whole business world. One shouldn’t worry about how good a product is, or how expensive it is, but instead should focus on whether it’s worth taking a risk for. For instance, maybe you feel like your lobby needs some comfy new chairs which would not only serve to keep clients happy while they wait, but would also add a certain panache to the lobby which screams, “We are serious business!” Instead of thinking about what kind of chairs you need, think about whether these chairs are even worth the initial investment. Are they really going to add to the office, or are they just an extension of your needy ego? Remember when making any business decision that the fat, sweaty security guard of financial failure is always just around the corner, and that maybe, crazy as it may seem, that delicious Dagwood of success would taste just fine without any mustard.

Of course, if you do decide you need the chairs, you then still need to make the decision of what kind, but you’re on your own there. Not my department, foolish honkies.

Today’s guest article comes from Nick, a young man who recently graduated from the University of Montana. Nick often writes for a comedy website, and wanted to help spread his dose of humor over here to Aridni. So now, what kind of mustard do you like?